Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
