I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
