well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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