I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
