It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
