kristin has been a bad kristin
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
