Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
