His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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