I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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