he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
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he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
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Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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