actually, I'm a sock model
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
