ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
