well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
