He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Randomize
