Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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