Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
