I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
