dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Randomize
