i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
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