i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
