If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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