Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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