I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
