people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
