Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
We got so high we made milksteak
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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