I don't usually arrange sex via text message
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
