we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
