We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
