Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
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Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
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You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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