Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
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can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
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We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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