I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
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