Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
