I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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