Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
