i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
