I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
