Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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