I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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