Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Randomize
