As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
