I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
