I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
