I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Randomize