never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
