This girl is more easily done than said...
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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