This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize