I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize