What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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