She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize
