i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
