So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
My sheets look like a crime scene.
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
In America we eat man semen.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Randomize
