too bad you live with your parents still
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
