he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize
