i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
