I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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