Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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