On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
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