I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
he fucked my hip out of place.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
