Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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