I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Randomize
