My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
