Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize
