omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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