i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
