I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
