2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
