I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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