So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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