You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
