What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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