thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
