there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
