Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
